cOACHING

By April 2023 I had arrived at the conclusion that my progress had stalled. Although Id had a few dates and some positive responses on the street there had still been no incidences of what I can euphemistically call the devils tango. The situation needed taking in hand. It was time to, and I quote, GET SERIOUS!

So I had a little think and thought, fuck it, I'm going to speak to the best. Tusk wasn't answering his phone (perhaps down the gym? Perhaps getting banned off social media? Who knows. One doesn't like to speculate). So I thought - who can I call? I dont want to get scammed, I dont want to waste my time, time is more valuable at this point than cash. Im going to the best!

As an aside, it doesn't surprise me that geordies seem to be disproportionately represented in Daygame. As a species they seem to be blessed with a certain lyrical turn of phrase. They are natures jokers. My father once said 'scousers think theyre funny, geordies are actually funny'.

So there I was. Sitting in a cafe in a mystery location, Poland-side. Not immediately impressed by the so-called legendary quality of the local girls. About to meet a living legend.

My first impression was not that I was in the presence of a top shagger. A highly charismatic, hollywood-style VIP oozing charisma, capturing the gaze of all around. Quite the contrary. In walked a very ordinary chap. I would best describe as an off duty librarian. I could see him doing a bit of fishing at the weekend to escape the missus before decamping to the pub to decry the performance of his lower-league football team and moaning about 'the missus'. Dressed in primark at best i could not picture this man on the Kings Road. More like road to Wigan Peer.

In walked Nick Krauser.

After we exchanged pleasantries there was a brief pause while he looked me over. He furrowed his brow and then in his thick georgie accent declared....

"yuv high cheek bones n yer tall, leek. Yer shud be alreet".

High praise indeed.

After a quick coffee and chit-chat we hit the street. He was keen on metaphors, particularly football, and he quickly started hammering me with theory. This theoretical understanding of the subject matter would provide the framework from which the 'hands-on' practical skills would flow.

Time and time again he would refer back to boxing. I was learning the fundamentals of game - footwork. Soon Id move onto approach geometry - jab. Then opening - cross. But every tease, challenge, gambit could be traced back to its theoretical underpinnings. Approach after approach racked up. He stood back. Observing. With the occasional tap in his phone.

Inevitably I tired. My stack was overflowing. He undoubtedly had (has) a keen intellect and conveys the information well. He's fluent, cogent and engaging. He brings the material to life and constantly interjects himself - often recursively - with a hilarious anecdote from his illustrious skirt-chasing past. However, I was seriously flagging. Much more of this and Id buffer overflow or worse, the dreaded seg fault. A full system crash. I had to play for time to clear my intellectual heap and stack memory stores.

"Nick. What do you think of Andrew Tate? I mean... is he REALLY a decent fighter or does he play on his reputation.... for clicks"

"Well...." , he began.

2 hours later and he was still going. When did his batteries run out? This was insane!

: D

We broke for lunch and we got sandwiches. Just to clarify this did not stop him talking.

The afternoon we went to a mall and we discussed combinations. His favourite was jab, cross, hook. He demonstrated this with meticulous footwork whilst (unapproached) young women looked on in bemusement.

im gannin in..

For someone so experienced Nick was remarkably reticent to approach. Im sure there are a myriad of reasons for this and its not my place to comment. He has his reasons. Perhaps, the novelty had just worn off?

It was a bit magical to watch The Legend in action. Needless to say he got blown out. He also did a number of, what I would call, 'meta approaches'. He meticulously detailed how he had locked eyes with a passing girl, cold-read her (ie. appraised her body language, changes in demeanor, etc). and then with a wistful smile described their "moment". Usually concluding with something along the lines of 'tha chenge of pace, man, hor stride indicayted that the set wasn't on. Did yer not neeerrrrtice???'. The implication being, of course, that I was too much of a novice, rookie, beginner to have gone into this level of forensic detail. Hmm. "weaseling!", I coughed

To cONCLUDE

What did I learn? Too much. Nicks understanding of the material and his ability to convey it in a practical and fun way is, quite simply, brilliant. 90% of all game I know to this day I learned in that brief 24 hours. Was it expensive, yes. Was it stressful? Quite frankly, yes. It reminded me of that bit in the Matrix when Neo learns Kung Fu by downloading the skills from a USB stick straight into his cerebral cortex. My brain kind of ached for days after. But my game did see an uptick in results in the months to follow, for sure.

And Nick? Yes, he is a character. Controversial? F*ck yes Id say so. Big time. I lost track of the number of times he would come out with a jaw-droppingly crass observation. Vaccines? "If yuv had one yer might be ok, like. Two and Bill Gates knows where ye are at all teems, so they can tek you out via druuun streeek, man."

But you know what? I loved all that. To hear someone shoot from the hip with such abandon was wonderfully refreshing. He doesnt give one solitary fresh f*ck about what anyone thinks of him and thats brilliant. Thats a great way to be. Especially in this day and age. We need more Nick Krausers, not less. Ok, ok, maybe the one will suffice.

Is he the best gamer in the World? No. Is he the best Wingman in the World? Quite possibly.

When it was time to leave I was actually quite emotional. I said my goodbye spiel and put out my hand to bid him farewell. But he had already gone.